i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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