Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize