Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
