Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
