hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
