Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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