My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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