The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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