M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
