I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
