What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
