what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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