I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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