I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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