This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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