"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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