I wanna passion pit in your ass
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
