there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
