im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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