Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
