SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
