Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
