I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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