im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
