sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
