I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
