I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
