i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
