I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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