I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
