New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We got so high we made milksteak
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
