do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
