Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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