I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
