she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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