he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
