our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
