I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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