I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
