Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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