Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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