My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
