I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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