my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
