the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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