It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
