Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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