You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
