On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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