dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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