can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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