i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
