im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
