1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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