she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
