Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
