Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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