We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
