I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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