My first STD was from a foam party
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm both gender and math confused
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
