He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I want her autograph on my taint
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
