Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
